


The Panic Attack

by CricketCat



Series: I Solemnly Swear... [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But That's Not My Fault, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Protective Sirius Black, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus Lupin Whump, The Author Regrets Nothing, This will hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CricketCat/pseuds/CricketCat
Summary: Remus can't breathe.But Sirius is always there.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: I Solemnly Swear... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680025
Comments: 6
Kudos: 167





	The Panic Attack

Remus couldn't breathe.

He couldn't think. He could't feel his face. He couldn't see. He couldn't feel his hands. He couldn't walk. He couldn't move. But most importantly, he couldn't breathe. 

Trying to figure out what was going on, he realised that he had been sitting in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He was at his usual desk, his quill and parchment out with his books, all ready for him to take notes. Behind him, James and Peter had been messing around with some sort of flying parchment, sending notes around the classroom to the other students as they were waiting for the professor to arrive. And Sirius was next to him, leaning back on two chair legs and laughing at James and Peter's antics. His grey eyes were sparkling with joy and mischief, just the way Remus liked to see. Having noticed Remus watching, Sirius sent him a cheeky wink and a smirk as Remus turned bright red and returned his attention to the front of the class.

It wasn't unknown that there was A Thing going on between Remus and Sirius. It had been happening for quite sometime now and, although neither boy had acknowledged the connection, they both very much knew it was there. It started with little things like the touch of a hand at the dinner table, or a hug in the common room. But as the boys got older, things became more complicated. Sirius would hook up with random girls or guys at parties or events, getting hopelessly drunk during the process. But every single time, by the end of the night, it would be Remus he came to. And, no matter how many times Remus had tried not to, he always found himself waking up in Sirius's bed in the morning, feeling groggy, hungover and increasingly more confused. The relationship had never gone past that point, however almost everyone had asked when they were finally going to get together. Even Lily had pointed out that the two seemed unable to stay away from each other. Remus shrugged her off, saying that Sirius did what Sirius wanted to do and there was no way anyone was going to calm him down. But secretly, he wished that he could.

But back to why Remus couldn't breathe. 

The professor had come into the class and waved his wand, pulling the projector out as the blinds went down. "Good morning, class," he said, placing his parchment on top of the projector so he could get on with the lesson. "Today we are starting the new module on nocturnal creatures, starting with the werewolf." Almost instantly, the Marauders all stiffened and stopped messing about, snapping their attention to the top of the class. This had been the lesson they were all dreading. The day when someone would quite possibly figure out their secret. 

Or Remus's secret. 

The first slides went up of diagrams of werewolves, explaining the process of the change and how it happened. Remus was unable to concentrate, his hands curled into fists on the desk and his nails biting into his palms. Next to him, Sirius shot him a concerned glance, raising an eyebrow in question. But Remus just shook his head, signalling he was fine. The professor then went onto explaining some defensive spells that could be used against a werewolf, if the students were ever to come across one during the full moon. The room around Remus seemed to be getting warmer and warmer, and he undid his tie and top button in an effort to cool down. But then the professor moved on to the worst part yet. 

He put a picture of a man up onto the projector. "Does anyone know who this is?" he asked. 

"Fenrir Greyback," a student, a Ravenclaw girl, answered. "One of the most famous and dangerous werewolves in history. Has a history of purposely putting himself in public spaces during the full moon in order to kill and bite as many people as possible. He was the most prominent werewolf to fight against the Werewolf Restriction Act but failed to win and threatened revenge on everyone who signed it. He never did, but he's still on the most wanted list for the Ministry."

That was when Remus snapped. 

He suddenly couldn't see. He couldn't think. He could't feel his face. He couldn't feel his hands. He couldn't walk. He couldn't move. 

And he really couldn't breathe.

Somewhere in the far distance, he could hear muffled voices, could feel a pair of strong hands around him and lifting him from his seat. He could feel someone walking him away from where he was, but he hardly remembered that now. All he could focus on was that fact his lungs weren't working properly, that he couldn't suck in any air to make them stop aching like they were. Although he knew his legs were moving, he was numb all over and couldn't tell where on earth they were going. Whoever was guiding him had hold of his arms tightly enough that Remus wouldn't fall over. 

Soon enough, Remus heard a door bang and lock and felt himself being sat down against a wall. "Moony," a voice said firmly but gently. "Remus, come on, listen to my voice. Focus on my voice." And Remus did try. He really did try to focus on the person helping him but he just couldn't control his rapid and labored breathing and was quickly spiraling out of control. Worst of all, he still couldn't see anything, making his panic worse as his hands blindly fumbled around for something to tell him where he was. 

The floor beneath him was cold, cold like tiles. He was sitting against a wall also lined with tiles. A bathroom, he thought. He must be in a bathroom. Why was he in a bathroom? Once again, the small amount of control he had managed to gain quickly vanished and he felt himself sliding back into a haze of fear. "Hey, stay with me, Remus," the voice came again. "Listen to me, okay? I'm right here with you, but you've got to listen to me."

Once again, Remus listened, counting the words and holding on to them like a lifeline, hoping that he could be pulled from the sea of darkness that surrounded him. The hands were back again, running through his hair in a soothing touch and cupping his cheeks which only now Remus realised had tears spilling over them. It was starting to get better. The touch of the person had definitely helped him ground himself so he no longer felt like he was spinning around in open space with no tether. "Shh, Remus," the voice whispered. Sirius, Remus realised. It was Sirius with him. It was Sirius who was here. "It's okay, Moony. We can get through this together, but you've got to calm down, okay? You've got to start breathing for me. What do you need me to do? What will help?"

Remus could hardly form the right words but he managed to choke them out. "Hold me. Please." A few seconds later, Remus felt himself being moved again, but not very far this time. Sirius had gently maneuvered himself into the space between Remus's back and the wall, allowing Remus to settle back into his chest and Sirius wrapped his arms around his middle. "I've got you, Remus," Sirius said, his voice stirring the hair by Remus's ear and his chin resting on his shoulder as he gently rocked them both. He tightened his grip, pulling Remus further back against him so he could feel Sirius's steady heart beat and rhythmic breathing. "Listen to my breathing, yeah? You can do it. I'm right here to help you. I'm right here." 

It was slow going, but finally, after what seemed like years but was probably only seconds, Remus started to get his breathing under control. He gained feeling back in his hands and legs, his temperature going back to normal. His vision returned slowly, the patches of darkness melting away until he found himself in the boys bathroom, on the floor by the sinks and facing the door...right between the legs of Sirius Black. 

Feeling the heat rise back into his cheek, Remus blushed and tried to move away but Sirius held him tight, bring him back into his chest. "Not a good idea to move yet, Moony," he told him, his voice so gentle and caring. "Give it a few more minutes to get yourself calm, yeah?" Remus swallowed but nodded, allowing himself to be held by Sirius who was definitely not letting go anytime soon. As much as Remus hated to admit it, he liked the feeling of Sirius's arms around him like that, liked feeling all the muscles of Sirius's body pressed up against him. Remus hated to feel vulnerable. He knew it was silly to think like that when Sirius had seen him at his very worst the morning after some of the roughest transformations he'd had. Even so, the compromising position they were in was a new type of vulnerability - emotional. 

"You gave us quite a scare there, Moony," Sirius finally said, breaking the silence of the bathroom. Remus swallowed, looking down at his lap.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice wobbly and shaking. "I-I really don't know what happened."

"Shh, it's okay," Sirius said, drawing Remus closer still and settling his chin on the top of Remus's head. Remus felt a flutter in his heart but he kept it down, not wanting to think about it in the moment. "I think it was the picture of...of Greyback, and what that girl said. I know you still get nightmares of the night Greyback bit you. I'm just sorry I didn't get you out of there sooner. That whole lesson was just awful." Remus stiffened at the name of Greyback but relaxed again when Sirius began rubbing his arms soothingly. "You feel okay to get back to the dormitory?" Remus nodded and Sirius helped him up.

"How- How did you know what to do?" Remus asked shakily. "I mean, how did you know how to help?" Sirius's expression became pained. 

"Regulus," he answered. "He used to get panic attacks when he was little. I just did what I did with him."

"Oh," Remus answered. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Sirius said, taking Remus's hand and pressing a soft kiss over his knuckles. Remus tried not to faint over that simple action, his heart pounding. Merlin, how he hated the effect Sirius had on him. "Come on, I'll take you back up to the common room. You could probably use a nap before dinner." Remus could only nod and allowed Sirius to lead him from the bathroom, wishing that for once he would be brave enough to tell him his true feelings.


End file.
